New blog

Hello, I've put up a new blog.

You might be interested. :)

http://aifrances.wordpress.com

Fifty Shades review (with spoilers)

I finally picked up the Fifty Shades trilogy this weekend, and I will say I got completely hooked. The reader must be warned that it is a completely adult book, and that it contains graphic scenes, which I mostly skipped through.

The books are beautiful, engaging, addictive; but they have their flaws. So many people have complained about the seemingly lacking input of an editor in E.L. James' work and I find myself one of them. There are recurring statements, and I often got attacked with a feeling of déjà vu as I read the through the long, long story. Some of the scenes are almost repetitive, a replay of previous ones. In one way, this confirms in life how the path to healing may be difficult, warped, and include impossible impasses and relapses. But on the other hand, publication-wise it could have just meant the lack of a good editor.

Despite this, I’m happy to say that I saw real developments in the characters, especially in Christian's. Anastasia's starts out as an innately strong character although she doesn't see and realize this. As she goes through the most unbelievable and painful of situations with Christian though, she grows into this strength which spills over to Christian and eventually, finally saves him. 

I think basically the series was just a long, long complicated and well-developed romance. It takes thousands of pages to get to the HEA although the books actually take place within weeks to months from the point of view of the characters. Christian and Ana's relationship was a spark that threatens to ignite with their obsession and essential need for each other.

I had the singular expectation that this book was literary. It's been everywhere and I've been consciously avoiding it but was finally thrown and captured into reading it by good, funny Ellen Degeneres. She read this in in one of her episodes which made me, as per the usual, clutch my sides in laughter, and yes, fed my curiosity. So when I picked it up, I was stunned to find out that it was a romance; and not only that, that it’s actually an adult book that deals with BDSM. On that premise it is different—the first book I’ve ever read with such a theme. This normally would have put me off reading it. But I got sucked into reading it by the dynamics of the characters of Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Holdings and Anastasia Steele, young English Literate major who never should have met him but turns out to be his salvation.

At first, Christian appears broken. It’s I think in the second book where more details about his past are disclosed. But as his shrink says, Cristian happens to be a wonderful man who’s just had the misfortune of having a bad childhood. Grey refers to his biological mother as THE crack whore, the center of his gloriously dark past who forever has affected Christian's dealings with other people, even his adoptive family who have grown to wholly, irrevocably love him. Despite being rescued by a doctor and being adopted into the warm bosom of their [rich] family, Grey’s experiences as a toddler have forever ravaged him emotionally.

Essentially, he’s very domineering, who’s life is all about control. A very private person, he dropped out of Harvard after (during?) his second year and established his own business and later on becomes himself a very rich, established, worldly confident man. He confesses to liking winning, and that winning in business, with his very competitive character and shrewd intelligence, is very easy for him. And oh, he earns about 100,000 dollars per hour (:D). But he has issues. No man can never be an island surely, but Anastasia at the beginning thinks he might be the exception to the norm. In truth, Christian Grey is still actually a very hurt, devastated, and scared young man who copes with his pain in the way he knows and has been subjected to. He’s still the boy who’s afraid to be touched because his crack whore’s mother’s pimp? made him his ash tray one night. He may be very strong, but it actually so very vulnerable.

And so we have a strong but broken character who commands the world and his sexual relationships as a Dom[inant]. But finally, beautiful klutzy, with no thought for self-preservation, Anastasia steps in—or rather falls headlong into his life. At first, he’s attracted by Ana’s beauty, even more so because she’s a brunette—which leads us to another dark truth about Grey. There’s a reason why he insists on employing only blondes, for the benefit of sustaining only preofessional relationships in his company.

But Ana is so completely naïve, even so insecure, so young—is even a virgin—simply put, not the usual girl he usually plays out on the character of submissive in his weird, twisted ‘relationships’. He does not even see them as relationships, he sees them as a form of play or release where the other player is totally under his mercy.

And yes, Ana sees through him, from the beginning, and asks him ‘Are you a control freak?' Ana is totally alien to Christian’s world. She’s afraid of Christian, is tense when he’s around; but finds that she’s completely enamored by him and despite his flaws, realizes that she loves him. She's usually a benign character but finds herself viciously hateful of Elena Robinson, the woman who introduced Christian to the world of BDSM at the age of 15 and fucked (sorry ><) him up more than he probably ever was.

To be honest, I skipped a lot of pages, not just the sex scenes, which explains why I finished the three books in under two days. Some scenes I swear felt merely a rehash of previous ones, but with just altered dialogies. What I really love about the book though was the exchange between the two main characters. They leaped right out of the pages! I felt as if I was in the scene, watching these two interact--either in tension, or in guile happiness. I found myself laughing over the email banter between Ana and Christian, and how they progress from purely silted, formal, business-like emails to more fun ones, with ‘Your at the closing, to lots of X’s even Xoxo’s, and adjectives at the end, like Anticipative CEO, etc.

And because Christian is so filthy rich, he showers Ana with technology and the best his money can buy. An Audi (His reason for the car model? Because it’s among the safest being built), a Macbook Pro, even an iPad. At the beginning, though, providing his subs with these expensive gadgets and a rich lifestyle is but a given for him and part of the contract, but with Ana it happens to be a first. Christian, who has worlds of experience and cynicism, experiences a lot of firsts with Ana. Later on when he gives Ana an iPad, he's not just giving a device so easily bought with his money and so impersonally procured by his right hand, Taylor. It becomes a thoughtful and personal gift, formatted with personal pictures that hint of his developing feelings for Ana, songs that speak of the words he cannot say and express (he’s sorry and that he will try) that give Ana hope in their relationship, and a British library app that Ana just goes gaga over.

The trilogy is basically a story of Ana and Christian, and how they develop and find one another.

Christian and Ana love each other deeply, but sometimes love just isn't enough. At the beginning, trust is the biggest issue, on the roster with issues of self-acceptance and yes, self-love. Christian thinks he's just bad, underserving of love. He fails to see and recognize as Ana does his many sides.

He's her Fifty Shades.

Megalomaniac Christian too is philanthropic Christian. He's involved in a lot of charities and even his business investments and ventures are directed with the purpose of bettering the world and helping people. He fails to see that he is good, especially further justified by his descent to the dark world of BDSM, and the lifestyle he lives.

The Fifty Shades are character-driven stories. Not much action happens, but the relationship between the characters are the ones that really draw you in. For Christian, it’s mostly about his healing and how he gets over his self-abhorrence to later finally truly believe that Ana loves him and will never discard him, as so many have in his life. For Ana, it’s mostly finding herself, learning, and not losing herself in the process. At first she is revealed to have a lot of insecurities clouding her and just cannot believe why a man as gorgeous as Christian has fallen for her. She thinks Christian could possibly not have fallen for her if it were not for the fact hat he’s broken--which invites the professional curiosity of Christian’s psychologist. I really thought at the beginning that Fifty Shades would end a tragedy. But  it has a quaint, happy ending of Fifty Shades finally being freed, living a loving relationship with Ana and their children.

Just life

This summer's really interesting.

There have been so many new experiences, and they've made me reflect on and realize some things.

I have been interning at FTI Consulting, a multinational firm that offers finance, due diligence, forensics, and other related functions. In the country, they're a small firm, and is supervised by two senior managing directors, one a UP alumnus and another an Australian who's Chinese but looks Korean. Their office is along Ayala Avenue, and it takes me two hours to get there. It's exhausting really, but one I look forward to. Just so many things happen there. You can pick up valuable insights just from the conversations alone. We have also been given a couple of significant assignments which involve extensive research work. My research has exposed me to banking and the securities market, and it's great to see and read about all those concepts at play in the real world. It's different reading about them from the books, and then finally hearing them get talked about and reading various news articles about them. What we've experienced validates all the lessons, and imprints them more deeply in our minds.

Actually, I hadn't planned to talk about my internship in this post. I actually have something to submit tomorrow. Yesterday, we had just presented before a panel of FTI employees the output of our research. We've been asked to revise our output based on the comments, and tomorrow is the deadline. Anyway, the point of this article is to immortalize into words what I have been feeling for the few days.

The people at FTI are great with what they do. I'm almost sure that they require any potential employee to have gotten extreme scholastic achievements at the minimum. Being with such great people has humbled me. Each of us must think we're good enough, at the least with something. In my case, I've always thought I had a gift with words, with writing, but meeting other bloggers who can draw and sustain readers more than I think I ever can, has made me think that perhaps I'm just a typical girl who can write on occasion good articles, but not necessarily always.

Experiencing FTI and getting to know its people has made me realize my weaknesses, and the many things I have to improve on. I have learned a lot, and I'm in love with finance, but I just don't think I have the drive yet--the same determined attitude that fuel these people. I want to be successful someday--and we could all go on and on how and what this means to us. But for the meantime, I know I want to be a financial success someday so that at the very least I could have security and enjoy life. But it will take so much to get there, and working at FTI has made me realize that I have a lot to do to better and imrove myself so that I may one day join these people--fervent and serious about their careers but ones who can equally be the friend to invite over for a talk or a date, or who can just maybe sing karaoke with you when you feel like it.

The people are FTI are achievers, and yet interacting with them, they're actually just normal people. They just have the drive to learn and keep doing good work that adds value not just to the organization they work for but for most especially themselves. They just take the definition of 'normal' to a new high, to a much elevated plane. But oddly enough, I can't help but think that this is how 'normal' should be. We all have those days (I know I do) when we just don't feel like doing anything and just generally laze and squander the day away, but we should never cease pursuing endeavors that make us learn and enrich us as people. Learning doesn't stop with that last final exam, or with graduation. Learning should be constant, and not only something that you can get from those thick textbooks. In fact, it can come from the most innocuous experience, or from the simplest activity.

If you feel like pampering yourself and notice that you've idled the time away in facebook, I tell you, do yourself a favor and get out of the house. Learning comes from discovering places too, because in these places you will inevitably meet people and maybe learn via stories of their own experiences. There'll be nothing to post in facebook anyway, without any brand new life experience.

I have learned so much about the banking industry in particular throughout the course of this summer. And my eight hour working time that never seems enough has made me conscious that indeed TIME IS GOLD. You might think you know this line by heart but no, being aware of the line is miles different from really truly knowing the line from having experienced it in life and then internalizing it afterwards. You just know of it in your thoughts and mind. You can never get back the past half hour that you just spent in facebook. You might have a deadline coming or don't. But whatever you might be up to right now, trust that the world is just waiting, and that so many things and new experiences await. You're just a conscious small step away from enjoying all these.

Which reminds me, again, that I have a deadline tomorrow. But it's feel good having written this article, and it I think has energized me. So adieu for now, and I hope that you're doing good with your life.

Pain of Failure

In truth, I feel pain.

I did not expect to. Months before I’ve already conditioned myself that if ever I don’t qualify as part of the top 20 to compete in the PANA, I won’t care at all. You might think this a purely perssimistic take on life--but not really. At this time I was already consciously making the decision to prioritize my academics, especially accounting. There was so little time, barely two month lefts—this was in January—and the 2nd accounting long exam (1^st out of the three exams left) was quickly approaching.

And now. I did not make the cut. I got rejected.

Since January, for BA198 (le subject), there had been 2 major case-offs (Selecta and Caltex) and one major paper. I won’t say I exerted as much effort as I did in the previous year, and I won’t say I did splendidly. The peer evaluation alone would have pulled me down.

Oh well. I’ll just read now to lose myself from this unexpected, ridiculous pain.

Better in all things in 2012

I read a lot of blogs today, and am inspired. I noticed that most of those that had many followers in a way were carved around a niche, or at least a common theme or purpose somehow connected the posts and gave the blog over-all cohesiveness. Or if not, those were the ones that were so deeply creative and 'relatable' that they enable the reader to just feel the blogger. They're the type that beckon you--one with the particular interest the blog caters to--to visit again and again. Those that had already built up a sustainable number of readers also off the benefit of knowing and interacting directly with people with the same interests.

From the state of my blog, you can probably see just how far I am from achieving any semblance of the 'wow' factor that draws so many people to the type of blogs I just outlined in the first paragraph. Most of the blog posts I've posted, I'm well aware, are centered around me fully. I've come across pages in the past that mostly contained text. Such a sight instantly drives me away and makes me click the 'back' button. I reckon the same must be happening with any of the accidental traffic that this site could be garnering.

I don't know how exactly I shall become a better blogger, or how to write better to make my posts more worthy and interesting. But I'm willing to learn how. I could maybe start by adding more visuals to every post I put up, or talk about something useful that would soothe not only my vanity and need for a release but also provide the benefit of joy and utility to readers. I know that this won't be such an easy task and getting any traffic (I thank Alexandria, currently my lone subsriber:DD) and writing in such a way to sustain this traffic would require hard work.

It's the new year. Hopefully 2012 will be a harbinger of great news to this small space in cyber world.

Source of picture

Bidding adieu to by bum, old self

So, I've been pretty much a bum again for most of the Christmas break and have been doing things that I've sworn time and again to never again engage in--things I hope to put a stop to completely this new year.

I'm reminding myself that it's already the 27th and of all the books and reading materials I've brought home, only one has been read through, and not yet even completely. I've been in online meetings already, but these were obligatory, so I don't see them as leaps of resolve and determination on my part. I'll be oh so happy to let reality intrude now--my reality being too much work to do with so little time. Oh, if only it were even remotely possible for me to be 90%+ efficient when trying to finish tasks; but I take so many breaks in between, and find myself frequently going downstairs to get myself something to eat.

So this morning I've determinedly set out to study--but have not really accomplished my goals for today. And now again I've been struck with the desire to write a new post--and what with all the interesting articles that have cropped up in my reading list from the blogs I've been following--I've allocated uhm the next 30 minutes - hour to pure blogging bliss.

Sigh. Enjoy this while you can, self. Because you're about to get kicked out soon.

Hello, better me!

My Personal SWOT

Beware how this will be a VERY PERSONAL post. This is something I've written for a subject that required me to detail on my perception of my personality, including my strengths and weaknesses among others. I may edit next time--either expound or add--as it's almost 3AM already.

Personal SWOT Analysis (Check the paragraphs that follow for further illumination of my character.)

Strengths -Dogged determination to continue task(/s) until accomplished -Great with paper -Eagerness to learn and be taught -Love for marketing and brands (I read about them in my free time) -Meticulous and into details -Loves to answer Q&A -Able to do well enough when put on the spot -Resilient	Weaknesses - Poor time management -Not good enough with Photoshop -Sometimes get easily distracted and swayed by temptations -Not a confident enough public speaker -Competitive only because the people around me are
Opportunities -BA198 and BA170 classes	Threats -Distractions and irritations in dormitory including facebook, noisy roommates, non-academic books, poor lighting, a bed that beckons one to sleep -Other responsibilities that would compete with 198 for my time: other subjects, two org positions

Some highlights:

I would highlight my lack of confidence to speak in public or around many people, which often would stop me from participating in discussions. I’ve always had stage fright. But I’m here in 198 and am hopeful and determined to fight and overcome this weakness. Odd thing about me though is that when I’m put on the spot or am forced to talk and answer (i.e. during reports), I can perform reasonably well enough. I just have to get past the initial jitters from the excess adrenaline caused by my anticipation for what is to come.

Currently, I don’t think I’m competitive, innately. I’m pressured into being competitive because of all the ambitious and competitive people around me. Although I do like the thrill of recognition, and I think this and my desire to better myself each time and to learn something new and be good at it will drive me to exert my best effort for this special class.

However, for the threats, I’ve done something to address them. I’ve set up a study lamp. I know I have to force myself to considerably lessen my time in facebook. As for distracting roommates, I plan to ignore them in any way I can or leave the dorm for some establishment outside where I can study and work in peace. I need to better manage my time, and I’m learning.

Management Style:

Whenever I work with people, I like to make sure that tasks are delegated properly to each one to expedite things. I also involve myself with all the tasks everyone is set to do and feel at ease only when I know of every single thing and update with regards to the progress of all the people in the group. Also, I ask questions often and am meticulous about details. While I think this can be a good thing, I think too that too much of this can already be disruptive and only diverting. I don’t let go of an issue so easily unless I’m satisfied with the answer I’ve come up to.

What motivates me: Success; Learning; Getting recognized; Assurance from family and friends; Prayers; and more recently, failure and the need to prove people wrong

What de-motivates me: Failure which makes me doubt myself and my capabilities (for a while, although it serves to motivate and make me spring into action to better my situation)

So reader, if you've gone through this post, what do you perceive to be your strengths and weaknesses? And what are the threats and opportunities that surround you?