Pain of Failure

In truth, I feel pain.

I did not expect to. Months before I’ve already conditioned myself that if ever I don’t qualify as part of the top 20 to compete in the PANA, I won’t care at all. You might think this a purely perssimistic take on life--but not really. At this time I was already consciously making the decision to prioritize my academics, especially accounting. There was so little time, barely two month lefts—this was in January—and the 2nd accounting long exam (1^st out of the three exams left) was quickly approaching.

And now. I did not make the cut. I got rejected.

Since January, for BA198 (le subject), there had been 2 major case-offs (Selecta and Caltex) and one major paper. I won’t say I exerted as much effort as I did in the previous year, and I won’t say I did splendidly. The peer evaluation alone would have pulled me down.

Oh well. I’ll just read now to lose myself from this unexpected, ridiculous pain.